Circle of Security Parenting Program: Is it all that it is cracked up to be?
I didn’t choose to become a facilitator of the Circle of Security® Parenting™ program. Instead, it was a training my workplace put me through. I recall the dread I felt when I discovered I would be sitting through 4 gruelling days of training in a parenting program.
I am not the parent who welcomes being told what my children need, as after 18 years of parenting I have discovered no two children are identical. My boys are polar opposites of each other. I have made mistakes, attached to the promise of paying for their therapy once they realise just how much damage my inexperience has caused them.
Maybe you can relate?
Your lived experience having taught you that parenting is exhausting! The first 5 years having been enough for you to recognise that zombies are in fact just a metaphor for sleep deprived mothers! Additionally recognising the danger of entertaining the thought that you finally have the hang of it; as quickly as you develop a good routine? It’s like your child chuckles, winks, and says “just kidding!” Seemingly finding enjoyment out of you jumping through hoops trying to understand what it is the gremlin baby needs!
Do you ever wonder
Why children aren’t born with a manual? Or an off switch? Why doesn’t the hospital accept returns? How come society glamourises parenting?
How many times have you been left questioning if maybe you’re just not cut out for this shit show? With every other parent seeming to be doing better than you!
The strangest part? Right when you want to quit; all it takes is a smile, a giggle, the excited flailing little chubby baby arms eager to see you as you walk into a room. The way your child’s face lights up when they see you after a nap. Or the satisfaction attached to being able to finally soothe and settle your baby after a bout of crocodile tears streaming down their little cheeks; as they snuggle closer seeming to thank you without words for knowing it was you that they needed all along.
These moments continue offering the reminder that maybe you’re not as ill equipped as you originally thought you were. Once the baby years are over? Childcare and school provides more of these golden moments of being seen as your child’s hero as you enter into the vicinity.
While these moments can be fleeting and easily missed, they’re there!
Perfect Parenting is a myth
Trust me when I say this, you are your child’s world! The parent child relationship is a powerful bond! A connection that no amount of vomit, poo explosions, or tantrums can easily break. You see, a parent only has to get it right 30% of the time. Attachment theory recognises that perfect parenting is not an achievable or realistic goal! If someone else tells you otherwise? Remind them that Instagram might believe their less-than-convincing story; as for you? You’re happy with trial-and-error parenting.
https://youtu.be/1wpz8m0BFM8?si=ZN6AIC8QkjKvcpPh
So what does the Circle of Security® Parenting™ program offer?
The above attempts to highlight what the Circle of Security® Parenting™ program is all about! Each parent begins the parenting journey with their own attachment style as their guide. If we were lucky enough to be raised in a loving home, with parents invested in trying to find ways to understand and meet our needs, getting it right even just some of the time; our attunement needs were met. Meaning that our needs were met appropriately, by a parent who seemed to be in sync with what it was that we required.
Most importantly? This emotional connection is where learning to regulate our emotions begins! In a less than ideal parent-child relationship, a child is taught that only ‘good’ emotions and behaviours are welcome and will be rewarded. Anything a parent believes is ‘negative’ is ignored, dismissed, punishable, or a cause for ridicule. We quickly learn that ‘bad emotions’ will jeopardise our felt sense of safety, connection, and belonging. Maybe as you read this, you see your own upbringing, or, your current parenting style.
Before you beat yourself up and convince yourself that you should never have become a parent… I want to offer a reframe straight from the program; how you react to emotions offers insight into your ‘shark music’. The blueprint that has shaped your personal attachment style. What the Circle of Security® Parenting™ program offers is learning through unlearning, embracing ALL behaviours as forms of communication, emotions are neither good nor bad; they simply are attempts to have underlying needs met. Allowing a child’s world to feel safe through the attachment bond.
https://youtu.be/UYy4iLtTwxk?si=P86cekzV6aMUeUf6
The Greatest Gift
A secure attachment style is the greatest gift a parent can ever give to their child. One that will shape their every relationship throughout their lifetime!
If through reading this you get the sense that this parenting program is something you need? Or that it could help both nurture and heal your relationship with your child, providing insight into why you respond and react to your child’s emotions the way that you do. More information on accessing the program as part of a group or through individual 1:1 sessions are available through the online booking tab. A commitment to the full eight weeks is necessary, with each session running for 90 minutes.
Please contact me for more information! This is your chance to level up!
