The Power of Fear
These last few weeks have been confronting. My eldest was diagnosed with Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome. Manageable and not life threatening from what we have been told... but the unexpected is never comfortable.
As his official tests got closer? I developed a Kidney infection. Chinese medicine says that fear weakens the kidneys. Where my kids come in, I’ve always tried to be brave. Tried to be their strength. Regardless of what I myself was feeling.
Yet when we don’t process, sit with and discharge our emotions completely? They have a psychosomatic effect... let’s call it the domino effect.
Let me break this down a little. When I refer to Psychosomatic illnesses, I’m referring to the mind-body connection. It is understood that there is a possible mental/emotional link with some diseases that attacks our bodies. Stress, Fear and Anger are key players here. Unforgiveness resentment and bitterness being some others.
From a early age we’re taught negative emotions do us no good. Why then would we have been created to feel anger, sadness, worry, fear, rage etc? Why are we told to suppress and bottle up how we’re feeling?
For myself? I know I do it to keep others comfortable. So that the people I love won’t need to worry. I try be stronger and braver than what I really am... as somehow I’ve believed the lie that only the strong survive. While not wanting to add more drama to already stressful situations.
There’s a lot of crap that gets spread around about positivity and happiness. Choose joy. Happy wife- happy life. Yes these may hold some value, but never should be used to devalue how we really feel.
Through suppressing our emotions, denying how we really feel about that thing that is trying to tear our worlds apart- we detach from our personal ability and power to heal.
It becomes the driver sending us to the drs for another script in a bid to turn the volume down. We reach for the bottle or the pills, absolutely anything to numb out what we’re too afraid to feel.
Those emotions get squashed down deeper into the pressure cooker, that abyss we have created to drown out our problems. We cover pain with gratitude afraid to speak about the unspeakable.
You know what? That’s not living in freedom and authenticity. It’s part of the process of just stoking the fire. As the intensity of our buried pain grows? And we send our feeling self further into hiding. Eventually the pressure blows the top off of our hidden vault.
Our physical body starts showing symptoms of what lays beneath our stoic exterior. We get sick. We start battling anxiety and depression. We start showing the signs of Trauma. Still we try to ignore our pain and keep carrying on.
In these moments, rather than suppressing what we may be feeling. We can instead incorporate tools to help support ourselves.
Journalling
Speaking to a therapist- talk therapy holds value when your therapist is properly trained and experienced
Grounding yourself through breath work, getting out in nature, meditation, prayer, progressive muscle relaxation
Learning to sit with your feelings, interviewing and observing your emotions. Taking the time to understand where these feelings stem from and what they are trying to alert you to
Creating an emergency action plan, for what you will do for yourself when you feel this way
Taking the time to allow yourself to process what needs to be processed
Remembering that feelings are valid, powerful and real. They’re energy flowing through you. They will pass.
Fear is attached to the unknown. The story we attach to situations. We often exaggerate the story in our minds to the point of becoming paralysed. Through believing the story we keep telling ourselves over and over again.
So often we choose to live in a permanent state of should have, would have, could have along with a plethora of what if’s. One way we can tackle this irrational fear, is through changing our attached narratives. Whether the experience is a passed event- in the way of a memory, or a current event in which we feel we have limited control.
It may sound almost too simple. It might actually make you feel mad even to read this suggestion. Each of us has the power to choose the stories we attach to the circumstances we face. To learn the art of dancing with our emotions and lived experiences- is empowering.
Choose life. Choose power. Choose freedom. Choose to be empowered.
What is the alternative really costing you?
