Turning Pain Into Purpose

Life doesn’t always go to plan, it’s pretty easy to get discouraged. For me personally? Life has been one mess After the next. I had dreams, hopes, aspirations… yet my life path didn’t play out how I expected- that’s for sure

The Original Plan Looked a Little Like:

• Find a boy, settle down

• Get married young, the way it was done back in the day

• Ideally start a family- or not, I didn’t really like children. Dogs though were great I’d breed dogs

• Own a beautiful home

• Have a high flying career

• Be loved by all, perhaps even be famous

• Live happily ever after, without a care in the world. Totally Hollywood style and how it was in the movies.

But Life Happened.

The real world was far removed from the idealised life I envisaged as a child. Instead, I was met with loss after loss, rejection after rejection, years of self-loathing and self-destructive behaviours; that really should have killed me.

I have done the single mum thing, I’ve been disposed of; like last weeks garbage. I’ve also had to bury my big brother, my hero- my beautiful friend.

I Lost Myself In The Mess.

In ways, I lost my faith for a while there too. I had so many questions! Where was this loving God amidst our families pain and struggles?

What real purpose and value did my life hold? All I had known was heartache. Much of it often attached to my own stupid choices, yet life as I knew it- sucked! This was my truth.

There Was Though a Promise I Had To Keep

I had promised to carry Janne’s legacy forward, to help others so that they didn’t have to meet his demise. His story will be shared in a later blog. This promise became my driving force.

This promise would become my fork in the road where I got to turn my pain into purpose. This would be the starting point of life falling back into place, the starting point of the fog beginning to clear.

I Had To Get My Life In Order

Much like my brother had everything in place when he died, and I mean EVERYTHING! His house was immaculate. Even his jewellery had been put back into the original boxes.

I knew I had to do the same with my mind and emotions, which had paralysed me. I had allowed apathy to set in. I had become a pro at just going through the motions. I didn’t know what else to do.

Simply put? It was time to wake up!

The Starting Point:

I needed to get clear on where I wanted to go. I started revisiting and interviewing old beliefs, dreams and goals through:

• Sitting with my past as an observer. Seeking out ways to attach new meaning to my experiences.

• Journalling

• Spending time with friends who brought out the dreamer within

• Reading and researching

• Revisiting my strengths (The Clifton Strengths Finder is great for learning more about strengths)

• Once I was a little clearer, I delved into short courses that aligned with the goal I had created

• I found thought leaders online and used them as my case studies

• Most importantly though, I placed my health and well-being as a priority. Being a bit of a night owl, I’m still getting on top of my sleep.

• I got clear as to what my values and beliefs were. After realising for years I had been living under an umbrella of ‘expectation’

There It Was

My own North Star. That defining moment where I felt like me again. Filled with passion, excitement, expectation and something so much greater… a sense of purpose and hope.

This was where my pain and heartache finally grew wings, where I was able to begin writing my new story. My story, which held meaning for every tear that had fallen across my face.

To see for yourself what my journey has looked like over the last 3.5yrs, head over to my Insta and take a look around. Or, connect with me and let’s wake the Phoenix within you.

You too can rise from the ashes. It’s your time to shine!